girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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