so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
