hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
