oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
