Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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