Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
