Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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