Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
If i come over, it means nothing
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
