I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
this is an emotional support booty call
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
