Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
She said her name was "party"
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
She's the barista slut.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
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