A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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