He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
