its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
