Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
