Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Your penis caused this!
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