one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
