he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
