So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
