You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
