We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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