I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
