oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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