my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
