Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
