youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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