soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
