1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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