Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
