I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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