so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
