He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
