this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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