u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
vagina is talking i cant
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize