quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Randomize
