I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
