Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
