yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
