I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
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