you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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