WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Randomize
