Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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