i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
