So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
