So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize