She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
now i know why i became what i already was.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
