3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
