its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Randomize
