I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
