Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
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