Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
