At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
