I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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