Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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