giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
