Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
