tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize