Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
