i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
