Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
