So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
