Please, let me fuck your mom
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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