Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
