i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize