whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
