just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
