I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
