im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize