Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
