Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
