need another drink. this is the easiest way
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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