You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Randomize
