i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
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