Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Randomize
