so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
